Finding Things to be Thankful For

Month 12.
We are now solidly into our 12th month of trying to conceive a baby.

This has been one of the hardest years of my life.
Of all the things that have been difficult one of the most difficult is remembering God is bigger and that He still loves me. Difficulty trying to conceive is not about God not loving me. It's not about my sin. God has a plan. I just don't know what that plan is and I'm learning to be content with that. I'm also learning to find things to be thankful for.

Thankfulness does not come naturally to me and my sinful heart. Jealousy is much easier. Much, much easier. Over the past few days I have been purposefully thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for. I've been trying to praise God throughout the roughness of this past week, especially.

The thing I am most thankful for is God's grace. I am a sinner and I do not deserve anything I've been given. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. God has graciously given me a wonderful life. He's given me a husband whom I love. He's given me a family and friends I love. He's graciously spared me from the pain of miscarriage in this journey. I am incredibly thankful for that. I have a church that I am able to attend that speaks the gospel over me every week. And that is something I desperately need. God is definitely good.

As the time approaches in yet another cycle where it's time to find out if we are pregnant or not I feel compelled to daily remember all these things I have to be truly thankful for. I want to be thankful, in the good and in the hard. In the easy and the not so easy.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Comments

Busyness

Y'all. Life is busy. Caring for an on-the-move 9 month old and a special needs 5 month old is, well, busy. Yep, you read that right. We currently have a 9 month old AND a 5 month old. Two infants. Approximately 4 months apart in age. We are just that crazy. There is so much I wish I could say here. So many stories and cute things I want to share. SO many pictures of adorable smiles and videos of sweet laughter that I can't share with you all. It's been almost three months since my last update and so much has happened in the time that has passed. It's amazing how much life can happen in what feels like such a short time, but also how slow time can move when waiting for specific dates. Sometimes it's as though life is passing me by, like I'm standing on the sidelines while everyone else is moving forward. As foster parents it can feel like we are living two separate lives. The one that everyone knows about and sees, and one that is secretive and hidden to...

The Next Step: IUI

We've reached the point of taking yet another "next step" in our infertility journey. Today is day 3 of cycle 14 in month 16. Sixteen. Sixteen months. We have been trying, clearly unsuccessfully, for almost a year and a half. It has been an incredibly emotional 16 months. So many things have happened in the time that this one thing is not. My grandmother died almost 10 months ago. My mother shattered her shoulder and had surgery for replacement. My husband had an emergency appendectomy. Work reduced my hours and pushed me to part time. We got the most adorable puppy in November. We celebrated our 2nd and 3rd wedding anniversaries. We've celebrated with many friends as they got engaged and married. We have countless friends who have gotten pregnant and had their babies. Most importantly we've grown closer to each other as husband and wife & have learned better ways to communicate. We've also learned many things that are not effective when it comes t...

Family Update!

Man is it hard for me to keep up with this blog. With so much going on I have so much I want to say, but for now I will just do a quick(ish) family update. As you all know we are foster parents. Just about 6 weeks ago now we said goodbye to our little man as he reunified with his biological mother. We had him for almost 21 months and gave him back just before he turned two. After pouring so much into this little guy for so long we are currently taking a break from new placements to focus on our daughter. Caroline is growing and learning so much now. She is 28 months old and in the thick of the terrible twos! She's sassy, opinionated, fiercely independent, loving, and amazing. Since the departure of little man, whom she affectionately called "Bubba", it's been good to finally be able to pour all of our attention into her. The transition was hard at first, I mean we basically took away the only sibling she's ever known (she doesn't remember our other littl...

Building a Bethards

Search This Blog