Finding Things to be Thankful For

Month 12.
We are now solidly into our 12th month of trying to conceive a baby.

This has been one of the hardest years of my life.
Of all the things that have been difficult one of the most difficult is remembering God is bigger and that He still loves me. Difficulty trying to conceive is not about God not loving me. It's not about my sin. God has a plan. I just don't know what that plan is and I'm learning to be content with that. I'm also learning to find things to be thankful for.

Thankfulness does not come naturally to me and my sinful heart. Jealousy is much easier. Much, much easier. Over the past few days I have been purposefully thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for. I've been trying to praise God throughout the roughness of this past week, especially.

The thing I am most thankful for is God's grace. I am a sinner and I do not deserve anything I've been given. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. God has graciously given me a wonderful life. He's given me a husband whom I love. He's given me a family and friends I love. He's graciously spared me from the pain of miscarriage in this journey. I am incredibly thankful for that. I have a church that I am able to attend that speaks the gospel over me every week. And that is something I desperately need. God is definitely good.

As the time approaches in yet another cycle where it's time to find out if we are pregnant or not I feel compelled to daily remember all these things I have to be truly thankful for. I want to be thankful, in the good and in the hard. In the easy and the not so easy.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

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