Skip to main content

Hopes & Dreams

Every cycle is filled with ups and downs.
Each cycle, whether 28 or 60 days, brings everything from incredible hope to seemingly bottomless hopelessness.

As I enter the anxiety-filled two week wait (TWW) of this cycle I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic. Since this is our first medicated cycle and I am almost certain that I have actually ovulated and that we made love (or baby-danced, BD) on all the right days I am the most hopeful that I have been in a few cycles.

This part of the cycle is the hardest because it is the period of time where there is nothing else you can do but wait. You can't tilt your body into the right position to make sure that sperm fertilizes that egg. You can't sit enough in a "right" position to help that egg implant and begin to grow in your uterus. All you can do is wait. And pray. Lots and lots of prayer.

When I was younger I always said that if it was hard for me to get pregnant that I would just adopt. I thought that trouble conceiving meant that God's plan for me was adoption, and maybe that's still what His plan is. I have no idea. All I know is that if it's God's plan for me to get pregnant it will happen in his timing and it will be incredible. If it's His plan that we adopt then he will help us figure that out and open the doors that need to be moved. Right now I am trusting that my desire to be a mother will someday be fulfilled.

I am praying that this is the cycle, but if it's not I know that God has provided an incredible physician in my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) who wants to help us get pregnant as much as I want to be pregnant.

When starting trying to conceive I had a plan. God has wrecked that plan. Every other time I have laid out a plan for myself and God has wrecked it it has been more incredible than I could have ever imagined. I don't think this journey will be an different.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Miscarriage

They say the statistic for miscarriage is 10-25% per 100 pregnancies in the US. 1 in 4 women will experience this loss. Personally I know more women who have miscarried, some more than once, than that statistic allows. I am now part of that statistic. Friday May 26, 2017 after just over 3 years of trying to conceive we got our first ever positive pregnancy test. The test line showed up almost immediately. Of course, it was a Dollar Tree test so we had to test again with a Clear Blue digital later in the evening (after 3 years you learn to buy the cheap ones before double checking with the expensive ones.) Both tests were positive. The screen of the digital pregnancy test read positive. It was surreal. Was this really happening? After waiting so long was this dream becoming reality? Five days later the dream began to fade and concern and fear crept in. On Wednesday I began spotting. After initial concern and a call to the nurse at my new Ob/gyn office I was reassured th...
1 comment
Read more

500 Days

500 days. 500 days ago we brought home a precious little bundle of joy from the NICU. Much like any new family we were full of excitement and happiness over this little blessing. We had prepared a place for her in our home. We had clothes and a bed ready and waiting for her. We loved her from the moment we laid eyes on her. It has not been an easy 500 days. Some of those days, many of those days, were bittersweet. The days with caseworker visits, resource worker visits, licensing checks, biological family visits, staffings, and court hearings were not easy. Those days were the ones that reminded us that this little baby girl who we loved as our own was not ours. It was hard. But she was worth it. So we kept going. By God's grace we were able to love her through it all. It's now been 5 days since our last court hearing for her. The beginning of our forever. Our happily ever after. It was at court on April 18, 2017 that the bundle of joy who had been with us for 495 days ...
1 comment
Read more

Almost Open: Where We are in the Foster Process

As my body continues to defy what it is supposed to do we are soldiering on in the process to open our home to foster children once again. For any of you who have gone through this process or have close friends who have done so, you know that the state is very slow with these things. You'd think with all the kids who need placements they would step it up and go faster, but that is not the case. So, we are still in the process of waiting. Seems like most of adult life is about waiting. Which makes it hard not to get lost in the future and the what-ifs. As for now we are waiting on our resource worker to come visit our home to give the final stamp of approval before we are officially open again. All the paperwork has been turned in. All the continuing education hours have been finished. The room is ready for babies. The dog is ready for babies, too, for that matter! Not much needed to be done to the room, as I mentioned before, we were keeping the empty crib as a faithful sign ...
2 comments
Read more