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Hopes & Dreams

Every cycle is filled with ups and downs.
Each cycle, whether 28 or 60 days, brings everything from incredible hope to seemingly bottomless hopelessness.

As I enter the anxiety-filled two week wait (TWW) of this cycle I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic. Since this is our first medicated cycle and I am almost certain that I have actually ovulated and that we made love (or baby-danced, BD) on all the right days I am the most hopeful that I have been in a few cycles.

This part of the cycle is the hardest because it is the period of time where there is nothing else you can do but wait. You can't tilt your body into the right position to make sure that sperm fertilizes that egg. You can't sit enough in a "right" position to help that egg implant and begin to grow in your uterus. All you can do is wait. And pray. Lots and lots of prayer.

When I was younger I always said that if it was hard for me to get pregnant that I would just adopt. I thought that trouble conceiving meant that God's plan for me was adoption, and maybe that's still what His plan is. I have no idea. All I know is that if it's God's plan for me to get pregnant it will happen in his timing and it will be incredible. If it's His plan that we adopt then he will help us figure that out and open the doors that need to be moved. Right now I am trusting that my desire to be a mother will someday be fulfilled.

I am praying that this is the cycle, but if it's not I know that God has provided an incredible physician in my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) who wants to help us get pregnant as much as I want to be pregnant.

When starting trying to conceive I had a plan. God has wrecked that plan. Every other time I have laid out a plan for myself and God has wrecked it it has been more incredible than I could have ever imagined. I don't think this journey will be an different.

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