Skip to main content

God's Sovereignty

There is strength within the sorrow, There is beauty in our tears
You meet us in our mourning, With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting, Sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding, You’re teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us
You’re with us in the fire and the flood
Faithful forever, Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

As we sang the above song, Sovereign Over Us, in church this morning I fought back tears. After recently telling another friend of our struggle with infertility over the last 11 months she asked me how my walk with God has been through it all. As much as I wanted to say that it had strengthened my walk and that I felt secure in the love that God has for me I spoke honestly and talked about the roller coaster I have been on.
We all know that it is easy to trust God when times are good. It's easy to feel Gods love when everything is going your way.
I am an extremely emotional person. I cry for pretty much everything. When I'm sad, when I'm overly happy, and when I get very mad I end up crying. So needless to say there have been many, many, tears over the past 11 months.
Since starting our journey of trying to get pregnant I have struggled with feeling God's love. I have struggled with trying to figure out why this is happening, why this is taking so long. I have struggled with trusting that God's plan is better than mine, even if it means waiting a year to get pregnant. I have struggled with fear that my sin is the reason that God is withholding this blessing from us.
Then God uses his church to remind me that He does love me, even if I don't feel it. God uses his people to sing over me to remind me that I have not been forgotten. God really is sovereign. And He will absolutely use our struggles over the last year for his glory. Though I may not understand it now, I absolutely trust that He is in control and that He is working my life in a way that will ultimately be for my good and to further His Kingdom.
As we approach the point in another cycle where it's time to track ovulation to determine the days that I could most likely get pregnant I am reminded that though there are things we must do to continue our attempts at pregnancy, God is the one who will be working in my womb to conceive a child. I so pray that this is it. I pray that this is the cycle that God chooses to bless us with a successful and healthy pregnancy.

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Open, Ready, and Waiting

We are once again an open foster home! We were officially approved last Friday and opened for kids a couple of days ago. We are incredibly excited and so ready for that call that there is a baby who needs us. As excited and ready to help as we are we also know that for us to get a baby like this it means that a family is being taken apart, and that is heart wrenching. The jobs that I have had over the years have placed struggling families in my life in a variety of ways. Through working at daycares I was able to see so many working moms and dads striving to make the lives of their children good and fun. At Early Head Start I worked with some incredibly vulnerable families and children; the struggle these parents went through to make a good life for their children was evident. Some did a better job than others, some struggled constantly. These children lacked rules and boundaries and didn't know how to get love and attention without behaving badly. My work at the variou...
Post a Comment
Read more

Coming Out of the Infertility Closet

As long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mother. I've always loved babies, just ask my mom. She will tell you how at age 12 I told her I wanted to be a mom. How I loved playing with baby dolls when I was young and as I got older I gravitated towards babies and kids. She will tell you how I always asked to hold babies at church. I've loved babies as long as I can remember. My love of babies and children eventually led me to get my bachelors degree from Baylor in Child and Family studies. Which led to a career in Child Life. Then eventually to my current position as a developmental therapist. This love is what has made the last almost 18 months so incredibly painful. As I sit here on cycle day 5 after our second failed IUI attempt--one that carried a 25% chance at success, one with medications both pills and injectables, one that I was able to feel so hopeful about--I wanted to share with you all the pieces of my heart that have been breaking all these months. ...
1 comment
Read more

The Next Step: IUI

We've reached the point of taking yet another "next step" in our infertility journey. Today is day 3 of cycle 14 in month 16. Sixteen. Sixteen months. We have been trying, clearly unsuccessfully, for almost a year and a half. It has been an incredibly emotional 16 months. So many things have happened in the time that this one thing is not. My grandmother died almost 10 months ago. My mother shattered her shoulder and had surgery for replacement. My husband had an emergency appendectomy. Work reduced my hours and pushed me to part time. We got the most adorable puppy in November. We celebrated our 2nd and 3rd wedding anniversaries. We've celebrated with many friends as they got engaged and married. We have countless friends who have gotten pregnant and had their babies. Most importantly we've grown closer to each other as husband and wife & have learned better ways to communicate. We've also learned many things that are not effective when it comes t...
Post a Comment
Read more