Waiting is the Hardest Part

Thirteen months into this journey and waiting is still killer.
Waiting is one of the hardest things to get through each month.
The only thing harder than waiting is getting a negative pregnancy test & starting the subsequent period.

The beginning of a cycle brings new hope, but also a new waiting period. After the menstrual cycle has ended it becomes a waiting game for ovulation. After ovulation it becomes a waiting game for either pregnancy or another cycle.

As today marks ovulation day we will begin the next phase of waiting tomorrow.
Waiting and praying. Lots of praying.

Praying that the medication to mature eggs worked. (Clomid)
Praying that the shot to release the mature eggs worked. (Ovidrel)
Praying that the sperm meets and fertilizes the egg(s).
Praying that the fertilized egg implants at the right time and grows.
Praying that the pregnancy and baby are healthy.

Or, if that doesn't happen, praying for our emotions & hearts; praying that we accept that it's not God's timing yet; praying that we have the faith to do it all over again the next cycle.

It's amazing to think that this little syringe combine with 10 small pills could make the difference. These things could be what helps us get pregnant and have a baby (or babies!), Lord willing.

And at least we know (hopefully) that I will indeed ovulate this cycle thanks to this beautifully positive ovulation predictor test I took last night! I haven't seen a positive one of these since December!!

Here's to praying that the next 16 days don't drive us crazy.

And praying that we finally get to see 2 lines on a pregnancy test.

And that we finally get to have an ultrasound to look at a growing baby, not just my malfunctioning uterus and ovaries.

Comments

Miscarriage

They say the statistic for miscarriage is 10-25% per 100 pregnancies in the US. 1 in 4 women will experience this loss. Personally I know more women who have miscarried, some more than once, than that statistic allows. I am now part of that statistic. Friday May 26, 2017 after just over 3 years of trying to conceive we got our first ever positive pregnancy test. The test line showed up almost immediately. Of course, it was a Dollar Tree test so we had to test again with a Clear Blue digital later in the evening (after 3 years you learn to buy the cheap ones before double checking with the expensive ones.) Both tests were positive. The screen of the digital pregnancy test read positive. It was surreal. Was this really happening? After waiting so long was this dream becoming reality? Five days later the dream began to fade and concern and fear crept in. On Wednesday I began spotting. After initial concern and a call to the nurse at my new Ob/gyn office I was reassured th...

Open, Ready, and Waiting

We are once again an open foster home! We were officially approved last Friday and opened for kids a couple of days ago. We are incredibly excited and so ready for that call that there is a baby who needs us. As excited and ready to help as we are we also know that for us to get a baby like this it means that a family is being taken apart, and that is heart wrenching. The jobs that I have had over the years have placed struggling families in my life in a variety of ways. Through working at daycares I was able to see so many working moms and dads striving to make the lives of their children good and fun. At Early Head Start I worked with some incredibly vulnerable families and children; the struggle these parents went through to make a good life for their children was evident. Some did a better job than others, some struggled constantly. These children lacked rules and boundaries and didn't know how to get love and attention without behaving badly. My work at the variou...

Negative: Another Disappointing Cycle End

Cycle 12 Month 15 Cycle Day I don't care anymore Days Past Ovulation 14 Clomid cycle 4 The test was once again negative. Now to stop the Progesterone supplement and wait for cycle 13 to start. Today is the start of a new month of trying. Month 15. Fifteen. Have mercy. Sometimes this is just too hard. I knew this would be the outcome this cycle, though. The Clomid-fueled PMS emotional rage that occurred about a week ago signaled that this, once again, would not be our conception cycle. Happy Birthday to me, right? After this 4th month on Clomid we have decided to talk to the RE about new medications. We finally decided to do our own research on Clomid and we are not at all impressed with its success rate for my specific issues. It also makes me feel and act like a crazy person. A totally crazy person. I get angry for no reason. I want to cry pretty much all the time. The emotional swings are worse than anything I've ever felt before. I'm done with it. Now to go ...

Building a Bethards

Search This Blog