No one ever talks about how hard getting pregnant can be.
There is never "the talk" in middle school about difficulty conceiving a child, it is only about how sex makes babies and that's not good until you're ready.
When Drew and I began talking about when we wanted to start a family we never imagined that it would take longer to get pregnant than a pregnancy actually lasts. But here we are. 10 months into our journey and on our first medicated cycle.
Infertility is something that no one really talks about or understand unless they've gone through it. Its hard. Very hard, even.
The beginning stages of trying to have a baby are so fun and blissful, and yeah, it's sad those first few cycles you get a negative pregnancy test, but nothing like the heartache of seeing them month after month for almost a year, for some even longer. It's only a few months into it that you start joining "trying-to-conceive" forums and groups and talk to women you don't know for advice. Sometimes these places can be great, other times they are just as hard as real-life--especially when you see women who have been trying for a shorter period of time than you post their positive pregnancy test photos. It's when you see those that you hope & dream about getting a second line on that stupid little stick, only to be broken again when that one lonely line shows up once again.
For the easily-fertile women having babies continues to be fun. For the infertile it becomes a world of doctors, procedures, surgeries, medication, loss, and heartache. Lots and lots of daily heartache.
I am opening up about our infertility journey now, at 10 months in, because I am finally hopeful again that I will be able to get pregnant sometime soon. And honestly, I don't see myself actually making this blog public until after we are pregnant, so there's that.
Once you begin to realize that you are going to be one of those women who has trouble conceiving a child you dive deep into the world of TTC. You learn an entirely new set of acronyms and begin referring to sex as BD, or baby dancing. You teach yourself not to get out of bed until you've taken your temperature and recorded it in your fancy tracking app. You force yourself to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night thinking you need to pee, because that all important FMU (first morning urine) is going to be necessary for whatever stick you'll be peeing on in the morning--and when you aren't peeing on a stick, ovulation or pregnancy, you feel like you are wasting good pee. It truly is a world that most couples will not understand unless they, or someone very close to them, experiences it. And it sucks.
I know that God has put us on this path for a reason, and I pray that I can grow closer to Him while we continue to wait. As Christmas approaches, and more people announce pregnancies and births, it continues to get harder. As we have more tests, procedures, medications, and specialist appointments I am trying to learn to be content, trying to learn what God wants me to do.
There is a post here that is able to much more eloquently speak on everything I am feeling right now.
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