Here is a fact about us that very few people know:
We became foster parents in October of 2013 in an attempt to foster and eventually adopt a sweet little baby with chronic medical needs. Obviously it did not work out as we had planned.
I first met this sweet baby girl while I was working at the local children's hospital. I immediately fell in love with her. She was only a couple of months old and she already had a sweet little personality and beautiful eyes. To protect her identity I'll call her Grace.
Grace was born with a chronic condition called CCHS--Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome. Oddly enough she was not the first baby I had met that was diagnosed with this condition, so I already knew almost everything I needed to know about what her care would entail. Grace was flown to the children's hospital from a neighboring state because ours was closer than the closest hospital in her state. Almost immediately she had an open DHS case due to other family issues. I met her biological mother twice while this sweet baby was in the hospital. That was in a years time.
As sweet baby Grace began to grow she became big enough for the first big step in her life with CCHS--she had her tracheostomy tube placed. She also had her gastrostomy tube (GT) placed for feeding. CCHS is a condition in which the connection between a person's brain and diaphragm often misfires, creating instances in which that person does not breathe independently. The severity of this genetic condition determines how often the person is able to breathe without mechanical assistance (trach and ventilator). Grace had one of the lesser mutations of this condition, she primarily only stopped breathing while she was asleep. I know, you think that sounds incredibly scary. I absolutely agree. Falling in love with a child with a chronic medical condition is hard. But it happened to me. I had the amazing pleasure of working with Grace on an almost daily basis while I was working at the hospital. I was literally able to watch her grow from a tiny infant to her first birthday, where my husband and I were actually allowed by DHS to give her a birthday party in the hospital. Getting to know her was incredible. Walking into her room and immediately seeing her face light up was the highlight of my workday.
Now, let me back track and tell you a little more of her back story. I learned that Grace had multiple siblings, some full, some half, and some step. And some who were already in state custody back in her home state. Her mother and father were not interested in her once they learned of all it would take to care for her. The only two times her mother came to visit were when she was forced by the state with the threat that they would take the baby away from her. When she did come to visit she did nothing for the baby, not even the simplest task of changing her diaper. Now, while I was working in the hospital I could not really do anything other than attempt to support this mom struggling to take care of her daughter. Which I did. I attempted several ways to help this mom learn and understand, and bond with, Grace. We went on a couple of outings to the playroom. On both occasions mom left the playroom quickly and did not return to Grace's bedside until much later.
One of the incredible things about CCHS is that it actually does not affect development much if a child is properly cared for. This was definitely Grace. She was an incredibly smart baby who loved to play. I think she would've stayed in the playroom at the hospital as long as she was allowed. She never wanted to go back into her crib after playtime was over. It always broke my heart to force her into the bed to go take care of other children on my caseload. And I think Grace recognized that.
When it was first being discussed that the only way Grace would leave the hospital was to a foster family I immediately called her caseworker and we started the process of becoming foster parents. Initially everything seemed fine. Grace was not anywhere near medically ready to leave the hospital, so we were told that we had the necessary time to become foster parents. We began the process with our state, and were told by the state that Grace came from that it would be relatively easy to place her with us even though we were out of state for her. Everything would soon start to unravel. Grace was not yet one year old yet at this point.
I soon learned that, despite our work in becoming foster parents to get Grace, her caseworker had continued to search for a foster family in her home state, and one was identified. I was heart broken, but we continued the process of becoming foster parents. I soon met this foster family at the hospital, and without saying too much about them, quickly realized that they were hiding something. They just seemed off, and everyone at the hospital who met and worked with them agreed. DHS then called me and stated that we were no longer being considered to take Grace, but that we could still visit as much as we wanted to "continue our bond" with her. Shortly after that, but not because of, I left my job at the hospital for a much less stressful one. I was still being told by DHS that we could visit Grace, so I continued to do so. Then came her first birthday. We had a party at the hospital with all of the staff who had taken care of her in her first year of life. Her foster family was no where to be found. I was informed that they had stopped visiting unless they were being paid by the state to be there. Then many of the things that they were hiding came to light. Shortly after learning this DHS called me and told me that we were no longer allowed to visit Grace. I then learned that DHS had been lying to us about several things up to this point. We were devastated. We then came to find out that the day after DHS called me to stop us from visiting, the foster family they identified dropped out and no longer wanted to take Grace home. We called DHS and worked with our case worker to no avail. I completely lost hope. We were not allowed to call or visit Grace or learn anything about what was happening with her. The next few weeks were some of the hardest I'd had.
It's been a year since all of this took place.
Grace is now 2 years old and the last thing I heard was that she is living in a long term care facility in her home state. We have been told that there is nothing we can do to get her. So unless someone finds her in the facility and falls in love with her like we did, that is where she will stay. She will live her life in a care facility with no family to visit her.
Even though I've had an entire year to pray about this I still do not understand why everything happened the way it did for Grace and for us. Every time I think about her I pray for her. Which is pretty much daily. I pray that she feels loved. I pray that there are people in her life who truly care about her. I pray most that she knows the love of God. I still wrestle with God daily over her and her situation. I pray that He continues to work in me and that He uses this for His glory. I don't understand it now, but I pray for the plans that He has laid out for me.
We became foster parents in October of 2013 in an attempt to foster and eventually adopt a sweet little baby with chronic medical needs. Obviously it did not work out as we had planned.
I first met this sweet baby girl while I was working at the local children's hospital. I immediately fell in love with her. She was only a couple of months old and she already had a sweet little personality and beautiful eyes. To protect her identity I'll call her Grace.
Grace was born with a chronic condition called CCHS--Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome. Oddly enough she was not the first baby I had met that was diagnosed with this condition, so I already knew almost everything I needed to know about what her care would entail. Grace was flown to the children's hospital from a neighboring state because ours was closer than the closest hospital in her state. Almost immediately she had an open DHS case due to other family issues. I met her biological mother twice while this sweet baby was in the hospital. That was in a years time.
As sweet baby Grace began to grow she became big enough for the first big step in her life with CCHS--she had her tracheostomy tube placed. She also had her gastrostomy tube (GT) placed for feeding. CCHS is a condition in which the connection between a person's brain and diaphragm often misfires, creating instances in which that person does not breathe independently. The severity of this genetic condition determines how often the person is able to breathe without mechanical assistance (trach and ventilator). Grace had one of the lesser mutations of this condition, she primarily only stopped breathing while she was asleep. I know, you think that sounds incredibly scary. I absolutely agree. Falling in love with a child with a chronic medical condition is hard. But it happened to me. I had the amazing pleasure of working with Grace on an almost daily basis while I was working at the hospital. I was literally able to watch her grow from a tiny infant to her first birthday, where my husband and I were actually allowed by DHS to give her a birthday party in the hospital. Getting to know her was incredible. Walking into her room and immediately seeing her face light up was the highlight of my workday.
Now, let me back track and tell you a little more of her back story. I learned that Grace had multiple siblings, some full, some half, and some step. And some who were already in state custody back in her home state. Her mother and father were not interested in her once they learned of all it would take to care for her. The only two times her mother came to visit were when she was forced by the state with the threat that they would take the baby away from her. When she did come to visit she did nothing for the baby, not even the simplest task of changing her diaper. Now, while I was working in the hospital I could not really do anything other than attempt to support this mom struggling to take care of her daughter. Which I did. I attempted several ways to help this mom learn and understand, and bond with, Grace. We went on a couple of outings to the playroom. On both occasions mom left the playroom quickly and did not return to Grace's bedside until much later.
One of the incredible things about CCHS is that it actually does not affect development much if a child is properly cared for. This was definitely Grace. She was an incredibly smart baby who loved to play. I think she would've stayed in the playroom at the hospital as long as she was allowed. She never wanted to go back into her crib after playtime was over. It always broke my heart to force her into the bed to go take care of other children on my caseload. And I think Grace recognized that.
When it was first being discussed that the only way Grace would leave the hospital was to a foster family I immediately called her caseworker and we started the process of becoming foster parents. Initially everything seemed fine. Grace was not anywhere near medically ready to leave the hospital, so we were told that we had the necessary time to become foster parents. We began the process with our state, and were told by the state that Grace came from that it would be relatively easy to place her with us even though we were out of state for her. Everything would soon start to unravel. Grace was not yet one year old yet at this point.
I soon learned that, despite our work in becoming foster parents to get Grace, her caseworker had continued to search for a foster family in her home state, and one was identified. I was heart broken, but we continued the process of becoming foster parents. I soon met this foster family at the hospital, and without saying too much about them, quickly realized that they were hiding something. They just seemed off, and everyone at the hospital who met and worked with them agreed. DHS then called me and stated that we were no longer being considered to take Grace, but that we could still visit as much as we wanted to "continue our bond" with her. Shortly after that, but not because of, I left my job at the hospital for a much less stressful one. I was still being told by DHS that we could visit Grace, so I continued to do so. Then came her first birthday. We had a party at the hospital with all of the staff who had taken care of her in her first year of life. Her foster family was no where to be found. I was informed that they had stopped visiting unless they were being paid by the state to be there. Then many of the things that they were hiding came to light. Shortly after learning this DHS called me and told me that we were no longer allowed to visit Grace. I then learned that DHS had been lying to us about several things up to this point. We were devastated. We then came to find out that the day after DHS called me to stop us from visiting, the foster family they identified dropped out and no longer wanted to take Grace home. We called DHS and worked with our case worker to no avail. I completely lost hope. We were not allowed to call or visit Grace or learn anything about what was happening with her. The next few weeks were some of the hardest I'd had.
It's been a year since all of this took place.
Grace is now 2 years old and the last thing I heard was that she is living in a long term care facility in her home state. We have been told that there is nothing we can do to get her. So unless someone finds her in the facility and falls in love with her like we did, that is where she will stay. She will live her life in a care facility with no family to visit her.
Even though I've had an entire year to pray about this I still do not understand why everything happened the way it did for Grace and for us. Every time I think about her I pray for her. Which is pretty much daily. I pray that she feels loved. I pray that there are people in her life who truly care about her. I pray most that she knows the love of God. I still wrestle with God daily over her and her situation. I pray that He continues to work in me and that He uses this for His glory. I don't understand it now, but I pray for the plans that He has laid out for me.
Comments
Post a Comment