Building a Bethards

There is always something we’re (I’m) doing wrong. Breastfeeding. We all know that “breast is best”. Breastmilk is often referred to as “liquid gold”. I mean come on, it’s packed with all kinds of nutrients, vitamins, and immune system boosters for baby. But even though we know this information, and we know how important it is to breastfeed babies we scorn and chastise moms doing such a great thing for their babies, just because they are doing so in public. How can we say “breast is best” and then in the same breath add “but only if I don’t have to see the baby eating?” On the other side of that is moms who are often shamed, whether outright or in whispers, when they do not breastfeed. Breastfeeding is hard, y’all (or so I’ve heard). There are SO many reasons why breastfeeding might not work for a mom and her baby. And as a passer-by (or even family/friend) you have absolutely no right to condemn a mom for pulling out a bottle and formula. You don’t know their story, eno...

They say the statistic for miscarriage is 10-25% per 100 pregnancies in the US. 1 in 4 women will experience this loss. Personally I know more women who have miscarried, some more than once, than that statistic allows. I am now part of that statistic. Friday May 26, 2017 after just over 3 years of trying to conceive we got our first ever positive pregnancy test. The test line showed up almost immediately. Of course, it was a Dollar Tree test so we had to test again with a Clear Blue digital later in the evening (after 3 years you learn to buy the cheap ones before double checking with the expensive ones.) Both tests were positive. The screen of the digital pregnancy test read positive. It was surreal. Was this really happening? After waiting so long was this dream becoming reality? Five days later the dream began to fade and concern and fear crept in. On Wednesday I began spotting. After initial concern and a call to the nurse at my new Ob/gyn office I was reassured th...

500 days. 500 days ago we brought home a precious little bundle of joy from the NICU. Much like any new family we were full of excitement and happiness over this little blessing. We had prepared a place for her in our home. We had clothes and a bed ready and waiting for her. We loved her from the moment we laid eyes on her. It has not been an easy 500 days. Some of those days, many of those days, were bittersweet. The days with caseworker visits, resource worker visits, licensing checks, biological family visits, staffings, and court hearings were not easy. Those days were the ones that reminded us that this little baby girl who we loved as our own was not ours. It was hard. But she was worth it. So we kept going. By God's grace we were able to love her through it all. It's now been 5 days since our last court hearing for her. The beginning of our forever. Our happily ever after. It was at court on April 18, 2017 that the bundle of joy who had been with us for 495 days ...

Y'all. Life is busy. Caring for an on-the-move 9 month old and a special needs 5 month old is, well, busy. Yep, you read that right. We currently have a 9 month old AND a 5 month old. Two infants. Approximately 4 months apart in age. We are just that crazy. There is so much I wish I could say here. So many stories and cute things I want to share. SO many pictures of adorable smiles and videos of sweet laughter that I can't share with you all. It's been almost three months since my last update and so much has happened in the time that has passed. It's amazing how much life can happen in what feels like such a short time, but also how slow time can move when waiting for specific dates. Sometimes it's as though life is passing me by, like I'm standing on the sidelines while everyone else is moving forward. As foster parents it can feel like we are living two separate lives. The one that everyone knows about and sees, and one that is secretive and hidden to...

I realized the other day that it has been two months since I last posted. That is how crazy life has been lately. Foster parenting sometimes feels like a whirlwind. Well, maybe more like a hurricane I think. Lots of crazy, followed by some calm, then a little more crazy before the calm comes back. It's like a roller coaster of hurricanes. Constantly. As soon as you adjust to a new normal something changes and you have to adjust all over again. Then, before you get fully adjusted something else happens and you start all over. It's hard. It's crazy. It's worth it. In the two months since I last posted so much has happened. We had court dates for both our girls. It's incredible how many parts and people are involved in each and every case. Caseworkers, foster parents, biological parents, kids, attorneys--for each party at that, supervisors, the list can go on. Three weeks ago tomorrow we assisted our older foster daughter in her reunification with her biologica...

Yep, that's right. We've now been unsuccessful at conceiving a child for two years now. I've come a long, long, long, way personally since those first few months. Heck, that first year was killer. Surgery was supposed to make it happen. Medication was supposed to make it happen. Procedures were supposed to make it happen. God is the only one who can actually make it happen. Though we've not given up trying to conceive a biological child we are also not pursuing anything medically to help us do so. We are good where we are, and if God blesses us with a biological child then we will be thrilled. But I'm done obsessing over it. A few months back I began this post and wanted to share it now. It's been on my heart lately to write this, but I hadn't been able to find the words (or time) to get out what I want to say. Before I came out about our struggle to conceive a child my life was all about keeping up the appearance of "having it all together."...