Skip to main content

Calm

Calm is not a word I would say has been in my vocabulary lately.
Calm is also not something that has been in my life lately.

However, this past cycle I have been given an overwhelming sense of calm. Now, that's not to say life has slowed down at all or we've had changes in what is happening to give me this calm. This feeling is definitely a blessing from God.

Last cycle ended up being one without medication to assist ovulation. This happened for several reasons, the main one being that I was unable to get into my doctors office for an ultrasound at the beginning of the cycle to get a new prescription; another reason we went med-free this cycle was to see if I would ovulate on my own. Well, I can say I ovulated, but it ended up being a painfully long 40 day cycle because I didn't ovulate until sometime between CD 25-28. So when most girls finish their cycle on day 28 I was just ovulating. Fantastic. Not. Late ovulation can be an indicator of poor egg quality, but my RE isn't concerned and all those blood tests have come back normal. Thankfully after I finally did ovulate my progesterone was also normal, so no supplements were necessary, yay!

Normally for me the two weeks following ovulation are the saddest/most emotional. During the first phase of the cycle I am happy, positive, and optimistic (thanks estrogens!); the second part of the cycle it is a conscious effort to remain happy and positive, and it is certainly not easy to be optimistic those two weeks (boo progesterone).

This time, though, the post-ovulatory phase came with more calm than all my previous cycles. It might be partially because my sweet hubby got sick with pneumonia and because it took so long for me to ovulate; whatever it was I feel like that because I didn't have that super-high positive feeling around ovulation I also didn't get that super low when another cycle day 1 came around a few days ago.

I also know that it is only the peace of Christ that is giving me this calm. Infertility sucks. The waiting is hard. It takes work to keep our marriage healthy through all of it. Next month will be our 21st month trying to conceive. For probably the first time in the last 20 months I'm ok with that. I know that I'm not in control of this and I am ok with that. Don't get me wrong, I am still fervently praying to get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term (for myself and all my friends going through this as well); I just do not feel as anxious as I have the past 18+ months, and I thank God for that.

We are still waiting on the foster process to reopen our home, I'll post an update on that when I know more! In the mean time continue to pray for pregnancy, calm, peace, strength in our marriage, and that God continue to show us His path for our lives.






Sarah

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Miscarriage

They say the statistic for miscarriage is 10-25% per 100 pregnancies in the US. 1 in 4 women will experience this loss. Personally I know more women who have miscarried, some more than once, than that statistic allows. I am now part of that statistic. Friday May 26, 2017 after just over 3 years of trying to conceive we got our first ever positive pregnancy test. The test line showed up almost immediately. Of course, it was a Dollar Tree test so we had to test again with a Clear Blue digital later in the evening (after 3 years you learn to buy the cheap ones before double checking with the expensive ones.) Both tests were positive. The screen of the digital pregnancy test read positive. It was surreal. Was this really happening? After waiting so long was this dream becoming reality? Five days later the dream began to fade and concern and fear crept in. On Wednesday I began spotting. After initial concern and a call to the nurse at my new Ob/gyn office I was reassured th...
1 comment
Read more

Open, Ready, and Waiting

We are once again an open foster home! We were officially approved last Friday and opened for kids a couple of days ago. We are incredibly excited and so ready for that call that there is a baby who needs us. As excited and ready to help as we are we also know that for us to get a baby like this it means that a family is being taken apart, and that is heart wrenching. The jobs that I have had over the years have placed struggling families in my life in a variety of ways. Through working at daycares I was able to see so many working moms and dads striving to make the lives of their children good and fun. At Early Head Start I worked with some incredibly vulnerable families and children; the struggle these parents went through to make a good life for their children was evident. Some did a better job than others, some struggled constantly. These children lacked rules and boundaries and didn't know how to get love and attention without behaving badly. My work at the variou...
Post a Comment
Read more

Coming Out of the Infertility Closet

As long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mother. I've always loved babies, just ask my mom. She will tell you how at age 12 I told her I wanted to be a mom. How I loved playing with baby dolls when I was young and as I got older I gravitated towards babies and kids. She will tell you how I always asked to hold babies at church. I've loved babies as long as I can remember. My love of babies and children eventually led me to get my bachelors degree from Baylor in Child and Family studies. Which led to a career in Child Life. Then eventually to my current position as a developmental therapist. This love is what has made the last almost 18 months so incredibly painful. As I sit here on cycle day 5 after our second failed IUI attempt--one that carried a 25% chance at success, one with medications both pills and injectables, one that I was able to feel so hopeful about--I wanted to share with you all the pieces of my heart that have been breaking all these months. ...
1 comment
Read more