Building a Bethards

Yep, another cycle has begun. Month 13, cycle 11, Clomid round 3. The past few days have been full of tears, frustration, questions, and doubt. And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I have to remind myself every morning that God has a great big plan, and it's better than anything I could imagine. We are struggling with infertility for a reason. This phase of life has a specific purpose. I just need to follow Jesus, pray, and wait for His timing in this. As we start our 13th month of trying to conceive (TTC) my Facebook newsfeed continues to be flooded with pregnancy announcements & complaints over certain symptoms, baby pictures, and all around happiness. It's a struggle, and to be honest with you, I've unfollowed almost all of my pregnant and recently-given-birth friends. Don't get me wrong, I still love you and want to hear about your life and your precious babies. I just need to be able to do it in my time, not every time I open Facebook. I just got back fr...

Every cycle there are only two outcomes that are possible. Either pregnancy is achieved and a baby will start growing or the egg dies and the lining of the uterus gets shed during menstruation. As we anxiously await the time where we will find out the outcome of this cycle I am reminded of God's grace. There are many people who will tell you that God will not give you more than you can handle. They are wrong. God will continually give you more than you can handle, at least when you are trying to handle it alone. God gives us more than we can humanly take as a way to turn our hearts and minds to Him. The past few months of this journey, though especially hard, have also been pointing me more towards Jesus. I cannot tell you how many times these past few months my husband and I have walked out of church or Bible study and looked at each other to remark "Wow. That was completely directed at us." That is how God works, through His people and His church. As a body we are ...

Month 12. We are now solidly into our 12th month of trying to conceive a baby. This has been one of the hardest years of my life. Of all the things that have been difficult one of the most difficult is remembering God is bigger and that He still loves me. Difficulty trying to conceive is not about God not loving me. It's not about my sin. God has a plan. I just don't know what that plan is and I'm learning to be content with that. I'm also learning to find things to be thankful for. Thankfulness does not come naturally to me and my sinful heart. Jealousy is much easier. Much, much easier. Over the past few days I have been purposefully thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for. I've been trying to praise God throughout the roughness of this past week, especially. The thing I am most thankful for is God's grace. I am a sinner and I do not deserve anything I've been given. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. God has ...