Building a Bethards

There is strength within the sorrow, There is beauty in our tears You meet us in our mourning, With a love that casts out fear You are working in our waiting, Sanctifying us When beyond our understanding, You’re teaching us to trust Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us You’re with us in the fire and the flood Faithful forever, Perfect in love You are sovereign over us As we sang the above song, Sovereign Over Us, in church this morning I fought back tears. After recently telling another friend of our struggle with infertility over the last 11 months she asked me how my walk with God has been through it all. As much as I wanted to say that it had strengthened my walk and that I felt secure in the love that God has for me I spoke honestly and talked about the roller coaster I have been on. We all know that it is easy to trust God when times are good. It's easy to feel Gods love when everything is going your way. I am an extremely emotional person. I c...

Well, the beginning of yet another cycle has come. Month 11. We are solidly into month 11 of trying to have a baby. And let me tell you, it's rough. Emotionally and physically. I once again visited my RE for another ultrasound to check my ovaries, still looking good. We also hashed out a new plan, though of course it is God who will be carrying out His plan in His time no matter what the we and the RE discuss or do. This try we are upping my dosage of Clomid to hope for a "stronger" ovulation. I will also be starting progesterone supplements after ovulation. Fun times! But less about that and more about the funny e-cards. One of the many things I like to do to help myself through the pain of another negative pregnancy test and the start of a new cycle is look up infertility e-cards on Pinterest. Let me tell you, they are hilarious and very true. Here are some of the best: Truth. I can't tell you how many times I've broken down after seeing yet an...

Every cycle is filled with ups and downs. Each cycle, whether 28 or 60 days, brings everything from incredible hope to seemingly bottomless hopelessness. As I enter the anxiety-filled two week wait (TWW) of this cycle I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic. Since this is our first medicated cycle and I am almost certain that I have actually ovulated and that we made love (or baby-danced, BD) on all the right days I am the most hopeful that I have been in a few cycles. This part of the cycle is the hardest because it is the period of time where there is nothing else you can do but wait. You can't tilt your body into the right position to make sure that sperm fertilizes that egg. You can't sit enough in a "right" position to help that egg implant and begin to grow in your uterus. All you can do is wait. And pray. Lots and lots of prayer. When I was younger I always said that if it was hard for me to get pregnant that I would just adopt. I thought that ...