Building a Bethards

This post is definitely going to be picture heavy, so be prepared for all the cuteness!! For those of you who know me well or have known me for a long time you would probably agree with the statement that I am not a dog person. I grew up with a mom who is allergic to dogs, so it was not really an option to want/get a dog. We were always told the negatives about dogs, so I never wanted one. Then I married a boy who grew up with dogs. Lots of dogs. I married a dog lover. When we were dating we discussed dogs and he knew how I felt. He once told me that he would teach himself to be ok without a dog. That didn't last long. About a year into our marriage my sweet hubby started researching dogs that were low allergen, so it wouldn't prevent my mom from coming to visit. After another year of trying to sneak the topic of dogs into conversation he decided he wanted to go to the dog show in LR that summer, you know, just to see the dogs. Yeah, right. He of course met a bunch of sweet...

So often recently I find myself trying to occupy my time; to fill the waiting with things that are not related to infertility or trying to make a baby. It's exhausting. Infertility is exhausting. Trying not to think about infertility is exhausting. Dictionary.com defines exhaust as: to   drain   of   strength   or   energy,   wear   out,   or   fatigue   greatly,   as   a  person That is where I'm at. I am drained. Most days I really fight to make myself get out of bed. I don't have the strength to get through the day, especially when that day involves pretending that I'm ok when I'm not, which is most days. At this moment in time, as I sit here on day one of a new cycle, the only strength I have is to cry out to God. To pray to him to give me strength to make it through another day, another week, another cycle. I came across a note in my phone this morning that I had typed out last July. Exactly 14 months a...

I've always been one to try to prepare for things. I try to make plans. I love writing out lists and making a calendar. Infertility is hard because it takes all of that away from me. I can plan as many pregnancy announcements as I want; they're different every month based on when the baby would be due. So far they've all gone unused. But, hey, now I'm prepared with 18 months of them, right? When our first foster child was placed with us we were not ready. Yes, we had gone through all the classes, read all the material, and completed all the necessary home visits & requirements from the state. Our home had a space for a child. We had a closet full of clothes and the crib set up, ready to go. But we were not prepared. Our hearts were not ready. Looking back on that experience now I think it was just too close to the heartache of our failed attempt at the fostering and adoption of the baby in the hospital whom we both loved. We were also not prepared ...