God's Sovereignty

There is strength within the sorrow, There is beauty in our tears
You meet us in our mourning, With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting, Sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding, You’re teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us
You’re with us in the fire and the flood
Faithful forever, Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

As we sang the above song, Sovereign Over Us, in church this morning I fought back tears. After recently telling another friend of our struggle with infertility over the last 11 months she asked me how my walk with God has been through it all. As much as I wanted to say that it had strengthened my walk and that I felt secure in the love that God has for me I spoke honestly and talked about the roller coaster I have been on.

We all know that it is easy to trust God when times are good. It's easy to feel Gods love when everything is going your way.

I am an extremely emotional person. I cry for pretty much everything. When I'm sad, when I'm overly happy, and when I get very mad I end up crying. So needless to say there have been many, many, tears over the past 11 months.

Since starting our journey of trying to get pregnant I have struggled with feeling God's love. I have struggled with trying to figure out why this is happening, why this is taking so long. I have struggled with trusting that God's plan is better than mine, even if it means waiting a year to get pregnant. I have struggled with fear that my sin is the reason that God is withholding this blessing from us.

Then God uses his church to remind me that He does love me, even if I don't feel it. God uses his people to sing over me to remind me that I have not been forgotten. God really is sovereign. And He will absolutely use our struggles over the last year for his glory. Though I may not understand it now, I absolutely trust that He is in control and that He is working my life in a way that will ultimately be for my good and to further His Kingdom.

As we approach the point in another cycle where it's time to track ovulation to determine the days that I could most likely get pregnant I am reminded that though there are things we must do to continue our attempts at pregnancy, God is the one who will be working in my womb to conceive a child. I so pray that this is it. I pray that this is the cycle that God chooses to bless us with a successful and healthy pregnancy.

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us

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